KEYU!
NYGH, 301`09, NYGZ Monday, April 30, 2012
The real challenge only starts now.
I admit I'm weak enough to allow my heart to take over my mind for all those sleepless nights/ tiring walks/ irritating heat/ sore throat/ and also, 哽咽.
Everytime I find myself hoping for more, I will always try to ask myself whether I deserve everything instead... or how much more do I want to want? Sometime it's really so hard to 知足 I have to fight all those urges to think the extreme. I feel emotionally drained sometimes.
Not sure if everything's fate, or just how I want to see it?
It feels like sec3 all over again. Thought it is even year already...?
But, I'm supposed to mature since then so I will deal with life better this year!
Life is draining because I oscillate between states of stability! Listening to jaychou is seriously therapeutic. How can life get any sadder than the songs?
So, this month has been fun though! Eating steamboat in school for yanchun's birthday and celebrating Sheena's tomorrow! (ah why may comes so fast)
And happy things! I was searching for Endless Love score when I found all my other scores for concert and I took out my nails to play on guzheng again! And I saw the script that I wrote for announcement and browsed through the concert booklet that I made and the emcee chinese script! So many so many so many memories! I still think our syf song is the best piece I ever played!
I want to go back to that time when US trip is just two days after my concert on saturday~
That intensive week of practice really clear my mind so so much.
I need a clearer mind, or maybe I just need to walk more. Walking to-and-fro IMM immediately heal my breaking heart :( HAHA.
If only somethings matter lesser, and my faith weaker.
有时候抓得太紧 弄伤了自己
都不知道自己凭着什么勇气
还是赶上了末班车
车上好拥挤啊! 就把我遗忘在某个角落
等到有一天 我有更大的勇气选择下车
或是你也跟随在身后
可不可以 换你走在我背后?
你的一滴泪是泉源
我的泉源也不过是一滴泪
Haha 人生就是如此不公平!
懂我再爱我 on loop since 1030! Haha sian I took so long to post this!
However hard this gonna be, May will be a great month! :) At least one more month to holidays yay!
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
#325残酷人生舞台
Haha 4 years ago I wanted to take a leap of faith, and until today, I still am.
Didn't really think too much about today, but just happen to realize that, the past 4 years of my life must have been the most 天真 times. And, I really forged relationships that will hurt me one way or another after this year...
The amount of time I spent on thinking about life, exceeds that spent on academics by so so much. But it's true that I only start to really use my brain and think more when I come JC. Maybe it's a good thing that I'm not good at multitasking afterall, that's what makes doing math a therapeutic thing --- 空白
If adult life feels like this, then it might really suck. :/
I hope the world can just end, I don't know how to face 2013 ... No more reasons, no more chances. 100% serendipity, how can I ever survive with that?!
Hai, I don't even understand why I feel so much for every thing.
都几年了 有些基础感情都没有变
不管是令人安慰的 或是催泪的 都是过去的一部分
无需再三的提醒 我也从来没有忘
是自己懦弱放不开手 还是自己太过勇敢紧抓不放
有些东西真的不是头脑可以解释的 就是那些怦然和冲动
说不怕是假的 但舍不得又如何
永远会是 我的雨天
和我的微笑
Faith.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
#324Serendipity.
*refer to icon*
Such a lovely month! Haha partly because I turned 18 (sigh). I suddenly feel so old and everything, why is life passing so fast my mind still stays in 2010 I still can't seem to pull myself away from there!! Bring me back :/
Such a lovely month! Haha partly because I turned 18 (sigh). I suddenly feel so old and everything, why is life passing so fast my mind still stays in 2010 I still can't seem to pull myself away from there!! Bring me back :/
I think I sort of got some kind of recognition for what I am holding on to? Like, how after one year, some people really change so much while others can still remind me why I hold on to the past so tightly until it hurts sometimes.
I think when you build on a thought for too long, like developing all the events faithfully in your head, it actually sort of ironically make your thought or dream more fragile? More susceptible to reality haha! Hai I guess it's not anguish afterall, just the strength one needs to piece the thought together again. Maybe you can build a thought such that you are deriving happiness from the thinking process but still aware of the fact that the thought remains as a thought and not what will happen.
I think I like thinking. And ever since I moved house, I lacked the silent time to think.
Lacked the time to really rationalize my thoughts and not let myself be so rash.
I want to try my best. But I don't know what is my best.
I want to stop trying also, but I don't know how to give up.
Studying/ doing work sort of saturate your mind to dispel all the random thoughts floating around...
There's really many things that I can't do.
Like forgetting.
At least I figured out roles and positions which is a good thing since I am obviously not that stupid to be indifferent towards words and actions.
Argh I also want to be less sensitive. But my heart will never allow my head to succeed hoho!
其实我也不需要海市蜃楼 我只奢求一种微笑着的眼神
因为每一次面对 我都是心花怒放地在奉承 守候
我不够果断 所以孤单
林宥嘉唱地对...
我也只是满怀期待一句"我不愿让你一个人"
Meeting you is my serendipity
Saturday, December 31, 2011
When it all comes down, the only way is up;
There are some people who can be very busy and yet you still feels a connection with; but there are also some who you suddenly feel that you don't know them anymore.
I've been resisting the change in JC in some ways because I really do find comfort in the past. But I realized, the nightmares never changed, while the good dreams stay. I hope to really believe in "what are words".
近在眼前的幸福 能抓多紧 就抓多紧
Nevertheless, it has been a pretty fruitful year! I believe in 能者多劳 now! For everything I did, I think I at least got the recognition that I deserve, whether it is indirectly or directly.
Birthday celebrations this year are all so fun! Planning and the process! It's so heartwarming to bring just simple smiles to another person's face. Maybe I'm really quite free to think and occupy myself with these celebrations, sort of took my mind away from PW!
Ooh and I'm glad I survived PW! I'm really much stronger than I thought I am, aren't I!
In the new year, I hope to be less selfish (:
谢谢 401`10, NYGZ, 203`08, 6E`06, seniors, and everyone!
没有一个人的一年是一个人度过的 我也是!
就让所有眼泪 和所有忧愁
埋伏在2011年的土壤中
等待2012花开结果的芬芳!
2012
我们一起度过!
Monday, September 05, 2011
#323迟来的八月
I can't believe I forgot to post here last month. Must be too many things happening... lecture test, xintong's birthday, teachers' day, huh? haha. I'm my own's blog main source of traffic. Conditioned to always click the link to here...
Yay I finally made a new icon after... (not sure how long :S) Yep no more 牵挂 because 罗志祥 will give me 力量 from now on! I lack lots of motivation! I should stop using the computer always end up not doing PW and make me feel so sleepy!
We grew up so fast, yet how much has changed? Haha so many years already, some scars will always be there. 有时候还会隐隐作痛! I was never so unsure about everything. I don't know if that's what I want, that's what I deserve to get, that's what I believed in.
每一次说服自己可以微笑, 眼泪在背后却酝酿着乞讨
我需要一个大大的拥抱; 一双可靠的肩膀; 一颗心有灵犀;
我抱着回忆一直往前奔跑, 一路上是不是也丢失了一些?
一切的温柔, 抚摸着一路上的伤痕; 是不是可以依靠...?
Maybe I need to be reminded that, there are indeed boundaries.
Or are there?
在你身上找到的慰藉 也许只是借来的幸福
在你眼中看到的在乎 也许只是自然的付出
我没有勇气 承担 这些慰藉的重量 这种在乎的渴望
我不够潇洒 想不透 看不穿
不管怎样, 我需要从罗志祥身上寻找动力
也就是从我心里寻找力量; 寻找奇迹
Have faith, and I will get there.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
#32230/07 祝 罗志祥 生日快乐 :)
Haha I don't even remember how old he is already. 31? But he always look young :D and 陪我到最后 has one of the most touching melody ever!
Caught Harry Potter. I still can't believe it ended! It's not supposed to be like that, hai, no more every-year-must-watch-movie! JK Rowling is really super smart, haha can't believe last time I will read mugglenet for all the speculations, spoilers, amusing stuff. I feel so lucky to live in this era! Not too young to dismiss the adventure, and not too old to be fascinated :) Partially because the wizard world seems like a fragment of imagination all of us are attracted towards it? Because we can always imagine... Just like how, 罗志祥 is sort of an invisible kind of 寄托 which sort of make life smoother, or easier to get by at times.
Anyway, I'm waiting for Crazy, Stupid, Love to come out haha trailer looks so funny.
HEH 11:11 now. I'll make a wish.
One minute could be so long! ;)
I'm starting to feel alone in doing all the stuff, like if you are the leader you have to be responsible, i.e. even if everyone else slacks/ not free/ don't care you have to 咬紧牙关 and finish everything? Sometimes I truly question why I keep doing and doing and doing spending so much time on it, and I realize the answer is because I will feel guilty if I don't finish it because it's my "responsibility" so being alone is the meaning of a committee? Physically, but more of emotionally drained-
Happier note, I should never have doubted faith. I believe that you believe what I believe! Maybe distance isn't that bad afterall, more space and less together, but definitely more appreciation and treasuring. Three quarter of the time I'm driven by faith and belief actually.
Actually on Friday when I took 174 home, before I fell asleep, I realize I don't really have much portfolio... Hai so I don't even dare to dream high about what universities I can get in especially during interviews when I will most probably have nothing to say.
Played Endless Love on guzheng after so long... felt 安慰
陪你到最后, 不说的承诺
不会再让你一人看日落
握你的手 对我已足够
只要心里懂, 会思念
一个笑容 我都接受
我愿意陪你到最后
... 罗志祥 也会!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
#321My heart is so jet lagged.
Dance night was quite fun (+ CIP hours~)! 花落水无痕 is damn awesome x 3! 贾宝玉 is damn cool!! :D Quite funny/amusing to observe people behind the roses. After being in contact with roses for two days, however cliche it is, I guess the idea of "receiving flowers" is still what many people pursue? I never really receive flowers for my past 4 years in NY, because they are mainly food HAHA. I wonder do you really feel that great receiving so many flowers? Doesn't flowers feel a bit distant... But I like those kind with a story behind like 为了死亡而生存/ adopt a rose! ;)
Term 2 ended! And so is semester one! Time passes really really fast but school drags on like forever. The last week is terrible everyday I'm just hoping for the day to end, and the thing is I'm not busy after school either. Life's so different, I used to reach home damn late on tuesday and thursday nights, now thursday is my earliest day? And I'm getting abit sick of fishtank too.
I keep thinking 2010 is still very recent, which is actually not considering it's almost half a year ago. I seem to have lost the drive to pay attention and do work, slacking every second away. But at least past two days I felt that I did something. Anyway holidays = think of how to spend money and where to spend on. Actually majority of the time it goes to food or movies.
I can't believe I'm not going to be where I am in around now in a month's time. How will I ever be strong enough to pack everything up, opening up drawers of letters and reading them ... 让回忆填满眼眶, 让感激泛滥~
I still remember clearly last year graduation night, how I teared quite badly to every line which says I'm a good friend. I hope I will always be :)
Somehow this year I grow to have so much more faith than what I expected. All of our friendships will stay strong as long as we are strong too! And when we're not, there will be the others who are!
我相信
在彩虹另一端等待我们的不是什么金银珠宝,
而是我们有对方就有信念到达的希望.
Seriously, in the end, all that mattered is
找到伯乐的感激
Saturday, April 30, 2011
#320Even if wishing is a waste of time,
Even if I never crossed your mind.
I read through my (long dead) tagboard just now. It started of with me wanting to delete a spam tag haha. Ohman so many years passed since the first tag in the archive and even though I never had the habit of replying tags, I do remember the context/ feeling behind each tag! Maybe it's good that it's dead, because every single tag which I treasure so far will forever be there. :)
And it's been forever since I change any details under my profile. It still has the nice little icon which I made 2 years ago haha. I used to be so good/ efficient at creating loads and loads of 100x100pixels designs whereas now I'm just happy with my monthly update of luozhixiang. Anyway, the main point is, I grow to understand why I never wanted to edit the details. Not because of laziness? Maybe subconsciously I just want everything to stay like what's in the sidebar, still in ny, still in nygz, still in 3/401. Still go for GCP. Still wear sleeveless shirts. Still walking into a CLASSROOM every morning. Still passes by the cleaner pond. Still attempting to climb the clock tower...
How can my simple, self-satisfactory life suddenly takes such a drastic turn! To become complicated, doubtful, curious? So funny to say that I'm still growing up from all these transitions because that sound so secondary school.
Waiting. Preparation. Anticipation. Gave me hope. I hope it continues doing so. And something in me tells me not to give up on 11:11. No matter how fate has disappoint me each time.
At times, I really wonder what do I want in life?
或许我最想要的
只是一个可以懂得我的你
一个不会逃脱的你
一边在泪流, 一边紧抱我
小声地说, 多么爱我
谁说要失去才会珍惜
I really grow to appreciate the strength of faith.
Even if you cannot hear my voice,
I'll be right beside you dear.
:)
Saturday, February 26, 2011
319Inevitable.
I finally spotted the "traffic" section under one of the alien-looking tabs in my blogger account and clicked on it. What's the use of me finding that function now when my traffic is approaching the y=0 asymptote, or maybe it is already a continuous x-intercept (at 0 haha) already. Irony totally. Maybe this is going to replace my LJ as a public private journal. (Talk about irony AGAIN!) Haha life is so confusing sometimes.
POP was very high, athena is really full of crazy (in a good way?) people this year! Haha and actually all faculty dances are nice. Ah but the post-emptiness is slightly disturbing.
I really thought I was adapting well to changes last week. I truly tried very hard to talk to people and stay awake/ pay attention during both lectures and tutorials. But I have no idea what happened the past week! Or is it me :S I feel like sleeping/ tired all the time and I don't know what to talk to people except "very tired". Then when I'm having second thoughts about everything, my brain and ears start to work more than my mouth and I'll just keep quiet and listen. Or even 陪笑 to some extent. But who can 赔笑 - 赔偿我的笑容?
I hope this explains my anticipation, my tears on campfire night. Maybe I'm more mentally tired than physically.
Why like that? I just need a bit more faith to even jump across 163cm, to jump across all these distances. I just need to be less influenced to even listen to those songs and feel like ... ...
我以为懂得感觉是一种天分, 却忘了它也是我的缺陷
我以为懂得放感情是一种努力, 却忘了那依赖的阻碍
我有很多以为, 我是真的以为不只有我很累,
真的以为, 你也跟我一样在挣扎
I feel oddly alone in school now, I can see familiar faces everywhere but they are actually no longer that familiar anymore. I feel bad and weird when I plan to talk just a bit longer with any friend because all of them have new classmates and friends they will stick to.
I don't feel like forcing myself to fit anymore, if not I will end up as screwed up as sec1, I don't want. I really miss 401 life, when we're like special. Even though not the smartest, but doesn't the special portion sort of bond everyone together?
And actually, I miss NY raining days. But still, I kind of like rainy days.
Should we go back and see the juniors? Haha if we do I hope it rains on that day :)
Haha and writing to huihong. NY days really feel so 天真 suddenly. JC changes people so much suddenly I hope I won't be unable recognize myself anymore.
这么重感情, 所以感情这么重
等到有一天, 时间一定会给我一个答案
全世界只有我疲惫;
我的世界将被摧毁, 也需颓废 真的是 另一种美
ZhouJieLun :(
On a happier note, luozhixiang looks cool and cute in the icon haha :)
Friday, December 31, 2010
#318Sparks fly.
2010 is really very memorable, indeed. My last year in Nanyang, my last concert in NY Audi with my love-hated cca, my last-s spent with my last class in NY. I can't believe just 4 years ago I keep saying I hate NY and dislike the school system and just blamed everything else for my life which sort of sucked back then. I tried so hard to like fit in to what I thought is how a secondary school student should behave! Maybe that's why I can't really remember my life in sec 1. Because I don't have one apparently.
I think I'm very blessed to meet so many different people, really. Secondary 2 is seriously my turning point, I suddenly feel like I can do it, and I really did work very hard to earn a place in 301. :) And no matter how hard we always complain about EPGY, I would choose MSTP all over again even if time turns back. Maybe it's the last year in NY, everything feels closer to the heart, and matters much more.
紫韵筝情`10! :D Concerts > SYF! Especially when you're a sec4! Haha, went back to watch the montage again everyone really 辛苦了. I will remember the preparation and 在台上的悸动/激动 forever! And, I guess that's end of my guzheng life. I realize I like guzheng more as an ensemble because emotions collectively make music more moving! No matter how screwed up we may be haha. That's why I don't think I will pursue guzheng lesson in a short while.
快乐:其实就是这么简单,由小小的瞬间拼凑而成
衷心感谢出现在我生命的每一个人,每一个灵魂,
在那些漆黑的夜晚,照亮我卑微的人生:)
401`10, NYGZ`10, 203`08, 6E'06, everyone!
2011
我很怕,可是有你们陪我度过